I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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