I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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