I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
