also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
