someone owes me an orgasm
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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