my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You're a waste of cheezeits
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
