Acid is not a monday night drug
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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