I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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