Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
