my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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