Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
