You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So squirting runs in the family.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
