There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
