What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
