i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
