They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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