my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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