so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
