Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
