I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
