i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
