i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
