I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
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Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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