I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
