So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
