the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
how does that bad decision feel?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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