Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
