I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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