Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
