what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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