Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Couch. On fire.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
