He uses pillows to masturbate.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
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You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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