Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
