There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
