you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
