I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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