There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
