You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
That's how pantless uber rides happen
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
