I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
