just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
