that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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