If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
