I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
