He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
