I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
