Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
