i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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