i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
