so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
