Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
