I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
3pm strippers are depressing
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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