He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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