we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
