you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
