I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
