I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I can't turn off my feet"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
