this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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