And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
