wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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