So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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