oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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