So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
