ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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