Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize