But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
