I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
