why didn't you poke me back
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My balls are so social today.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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