So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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