I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
