R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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