dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
