You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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