ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
