Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
