all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
